???

I read a really interesting story yesterday in a book for my Intro to Islam class. The book was explaining Sufism, so I wasn’t sure if this story was a Sufist story or just an Arabic legend, but it was quite entertaining.

It was called Layla and Majnun, or “Layla and the Madman.” Two little kids fell in love, but they weren’t allowed to be together, so the boy went crazy and lived in the mountains and told people stories of his love. Layla was forced to marry someone she didn’t love.

After several years, Layla wanted to see her true love again. They stood several feet back from each other, but since they knew they could never be together, they didn’t touch or do anything. Then Majnun shouted in pain and ran off into the forest.

Later, Layla died. Majnun went to her grave and laid on top of it, and no one touched his body. Eventually, it became dust, so they were together in death.

I thought that was really sad. I’m not sure what point or what kind of lesson to draw from it. I guess just that love is sad sometimes. It’s not all weddings and roses and happily-ever-after. People get their hearts broken, and people can’t be together – maybe not in something of this magnitude, but something along those lines.

What’s the remedy for heartbreak? I have no idea.

I do know that if we could talk to Layla or Majnun, they would say they were just glad to have loved each other at all, even if they couldn’t be together until death. You have to put yourself out there, even if it means getting your heart broken, because you might get lucky.

I feel like I should be taking my own advice. It’s easier to do something in theory than in real life…

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Weddings…

I was in Texas this weekend for my cousin’s wedding, and it was full of all the cliche wedding drama. Everything had to be perfect.

The rehearsal on Friday night literally lasted an hour and a half, because this woman who was the church wedding coordinator had to tell everyone exactly what to do. She made me help her put tape down where everyone would stand, and she told the wedding party precisely when to turn and face the bride and groom and when to face the crowd. It was a little ridiculous.

I feel sorry for my cousin, because he was really ready to get married, but he let all the stress get to him. He’s so sweet to his fiancee. I hope whenever I get married, my husband treats me that well.

He always says she’s out of his league and he’s the luckiest guy in the world. He acts like he can’t believe she’s actually willing to marry him. But whenever my friends have met my cousin, they always think he’s really attractive. He’s actually really funny and nice, too, so I don’t think she’s out of his league at all.

It’s sweet to see how he acts around her. And I don’t think it will change anytime soon, because they’ve been together for three years and engaged for two, and he’s always been like that.

I know people say this all the time, but I think it bears repeating. Chivalry is kind of dead. My cousin is an exception, because I don’t know a lot of men in their early 20’s who speak so highly of their significant others, or hold the door open for the girls in their family, or just treat women like ladies in general.

I like to be treated like a lady. I’m really glad my cousin’s getting married, because both he and his fiancee are pretty lucky.

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A real man

This semi-relates to my last post, because I’ve been thinking about calling first/manning up/being a lady lately.

Can you tell a cute guy recently asked for my number but hasn’t called me yet? I’m trying not to obsess…really. But it’s hard.

So anyway, once again, I don’t like to call or text guys first. I will when I know a guy pretty well, but I want the man to be the leader in a relationship right at the beginning stages. Sometimes that seems like too much to ask, because men these days don’t seem to want to lead. I figure when the right man comes along, he will man up and lead. It’s just hard to wait sometimes.

That’s why I put that video of Pride and Prejudice up. First of all, it’s one of my top 5 favorite movies of all time, which is saying something, since my minor is Film and Video Studies and I’ve seen a lot of movies in my day.

But I like this movie and this book because Mr. Darcy is a real man. What he does in this scene is the kind of thing that most girls really want in a man. He’s brave enough to ask Elizabeth to marry him even when she hasn’t really given him any hints that she likes him, yet he’s nice enough to take it well when she refuses and to not give up on marrying her, yet not in a stalker way. He just waits patiently until she falls in love with him at the end.

I would love for someone to treat me like that. I’m pretty shy, and I have my whole phone game going on, so I want someone to take the initiative and be like Mr. Darcy. Is that too much to ask?

Of course, if the guy looked as good as Mr. Darcy in a suit, that wouldn’t hurt, either.

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The game

My friend and I both have games we play. He never asks a girl for her number – he always finds a way for her to give it to him without being asked. I never text or call guys first. I make them man up and do it.

The good thing about our games is that when we win, it means the other person actually likes us. On the other hand, when we lose, it could mean that we lost something we could have had but were just too stubborn to do it.

Milica Sekulic

Sometimes, I feel like everything about relationships – at least, everything about dating relationships – is a game.

“I’ll make him call.”

“I’ll flirt with this girl to make another girl jealous.”

“He has to tell me he loves me first.”

And on and on it goes. Just yesterday, I got into a fight with a guy who is the ultimate player of games. He could have tons of girl friends, but he only wanted me to have one guy friend – him.

I just kind of accepted it. I usually could keep him pretty happy as long as I paid lots of attention to him while he was around. Also, I could tell he was pretty insecure, which I sympathized with, so I guess the relationship was also a bit of a pity thing.

Well, this guy went off to college, then I never heard another word from him. I tried texting and calling him a few times, but he rarely answered. It hurt my feelings, because he had gone on and on about how much he wanted to stay friends, and then he didn’t seem to care at all.

I saw him two weeks ago, and he acted like nothing had changed; like we were still best friends. That made me angry. I made the mistake of saying something to him about it yesterday, and it just all blew up. He got mad at me and acted like the fault was all mine.

He just likes to play games with girls, and the fact that I won’t accept it if he wants to be my friend sometimes and not all the time is hard for him to accept.

The game is stupid. The love only game I ever plan on playing is the calling game. Hopefully that doesn’t come back to bite me someday.

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Love is complicated

What’s up with the whole Twilight phenomenon? I honestly don’t get it. I prefer Harry Potter any day.

Aside from my whole opinion about Twilight being very poorly written and overly dramatic, I just don’t get the whole Jacob vs. Edward thing.

They even have t-shirts for this thing. How stupid is that?

I mean, if a girl loves a guy, she should love only him, right?

Wrong.

I got mad this weekend because my friend Marvin posted a picture of me on Facebook with him and our friend Eric and wrote the caption, “Team Marvin or Team Eric?”

Even though he meant it as a joke, it made me angry. First of all, because it associated me with Twilight. Second of all, because I don’t like either of them as more than a friend, and I didn’t want everyone on Facebook to think that was a possibility.

But then I started thinking about it, and I can truly say I like both of them equally as friends. If I could only talk to one of them for the rest of my life, it would be impossible to choose.

So is that how it is with love sometimes? Can someone actually love two people at once, like fictional Bella? I’ve heard my friends say they can’t choose between two guys, and I usually dismissed it as ridiculous, but now I’m thinking their point might actually be valid.

I just think love works a lot like friendship. The couples who seem the happiest to me seem to be friends rather than just lovers. They actually like each other as a person, not just as a lover. So I think I could safely relate how I feel about my friendship with Eric and Marvin to the idea of loving two people.

Maybe, in a weird way, I kind of understand this phenomenon. Since I don’t even have a crush on either of these boys, I obviously don’t fully get the whole loving-two-people thing. But this definitely helps me understand a little bit more how complicated love can actually be, even if it seems ridiculous to people on the outside.

(I have three best friends who are girls, but I do actually like one of them better than the other two, so I guess that’s why I haven’t made that connection until just now.)

Sadly, this has not helped me understand Twilight at all. I still think Bella, Edward, and Jacob are ridiculous…but that’s another story.

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Another cute story

Here’s another cute family story. It’s how my parents met and fell in love.

When my mom was in junior high, she fixed her hair into its ’80s curls and went to a freshman football game with her friends. My dad also hair-sprayed his mullet down and went to the same game, because he was a freshman in high school.

During the game, my dad was hanging out by the concession stand when he saw my mom standing in line. “Who is that girl?” he asked his friend.

“Her name’s Cathy,” his friend replied. “I went to Catholic elementary school with her.”

“She’s cute,” my dad said. He didn’t even notice the game anymore as he watched my mom talking with her friends.

My dad decided something drastic needed to be done, so he sauntered up to the line and bumped into my mom, almost making her drop her nachos. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay,” she replied.

“What’s your name?” he asked, even though he already knew.

“Cathy.”

“Hi, Cathy. I’m Brad. Do you go to school here?”

“I’m in seventh grade.”

“I see.” He nervously ran his hand through his mullet. “Well, I’m a freshman. I was wondering if maybe I could get your phone number?”

She smiled. “Sure.”

My dad was obviously super cheesy back in the day, but I guess it worked. He dated my mom all throughout high school and proposed to her the night of her junior prom. They got married right after she graduated and when he was a sophomore in college. They had me a year later.

I think my parents are a great example of how sometimes, relationships can work out, even if they don’t follow typical wisdom. Like how people say you shouldn’t marry your high school sweetheart or get engaged and married so young, but my parents have been happily married for 21 years. Or how people caution against marrying someone without the same beliefs, but my parents managed to work out the whole Catholic vs. Baptist thing, and I grew up in a happy little Baptist home.

I don’t really know the moral to this…it’s either another cute relationship story or proof that relationships can sometimes work against the odds. Either way, I’m really glad my dad bumped into my mom that night at the concession stand.


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Finding a balance

I was talking to my roommate last night about her and her boyfriend, and it brought up some interesting thoughts on what love really is.

We talked about two different aspects of love.  There should be a balance of both in any healthy relationship, and we think when a couple finds the magic point halfway between these two things, they can find true happiness and love.

The first aspect of love we talked about is emotional. I wouldn’t want to date someone who was ugly or mean to me.

We decided the emotional aspect, which sometimes comes back to hurt you, is absolutely necessary.

But you can’t base your relationship on feelings only. Feelings can change. What happens when you don’t like that person anymore? Can you still love them?

This is where the serious part comes into play. We talked about how she’s getting a little more serious in her relationship, so she’s looking at things like religion, money, and household roles and making sure her boyfriend is on the same page as her.

Love isn’t all emotional. You have to use your head a little bit, too, as hard as that may be when someone really cute wants your number.

Our consensus was that we can’t live without those things in a relationship. If you’re too emotional, you end up making bad choices. If you’re too practical, then you won’t ever be truly happy.

I think my roommate’s right about this, because she seems to have a great relationship with her boyfriend. Time will tell, I guess, whether or not they’ll succeed…

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